When It All Goes Wrong – Update. REVENGE! Or: When Life Gives You Lemons, throw them at someone who needs lemons.

I will not be defeated by a Hake fillet, this is not a world I want to live in.  So, in a follow-on to the Weekend Fish Disaster (When It All Goes Wrong), I rolled up my sleeves, opened the fridge and rested my steely gaze on the massive lump of Hake (still in it’s wrapping – So. Unbelievably. Arrogant.) that was the only remnant of my lunch-preparation folly.

That lump of fish was an insouciant bastard, staring at me with the condescending quality of a twelve year-old that’s just got an iPod and thinks that entitles him to respond every single question with “Who gives a fuck what you think, old man? I have The Zutons on repeat.”

And so I decided right there that I was going to make sure I cooked the damn thing, and not only that – I was determined to enjoy every last bite of whatever I ended up making, even if it killed me.

This was personal.

It seemed that what the moment called for was simplicity – and so Fish & Chips it was going to be, because not even I can fuck that up.

Well…. I mean I can, but I was determined not to.

I made a home-made tomato relish, well...because I'm wanky that way.
I made a home-made tomato relish, well...because I'm wanky that way.

Ingredients

For the Batter:

Milk

Flour

1 egg

salt

pepper

juice of one lemon

a splash of white wine

What to do

Firstly, sprinkle some salt and pepper on both sides of the fish and set it aside. Then, in a bowl combine the egg, half a cup of flour, half a cup of milk, seasoned with salt and a few twists of black pepper and whisk it into a smooth batter. If it’s a little thick or of course a little too liquid, just adjust it by adding a bit more flour or milk as necessary. Squeeze in the lemon juice and the splash of wine, whisk it in and then you’re ready to go.

Add some oil to a pan, get it hot, and using a fork, dip the fish in the batter until it’s good and coated, then add to the pan – frying on both sides until golden brown. Serve with chips, tomato sauce and nasty white vinegar and RELISH IN YOUR REVENGE ON THE FISH THAT TRIED TO RUIN YOUR LIFE.

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2 thoughts on “When It All Goes Wrong – Update. REVENGE! Or: When Life Gives You Lemons, throw them at someone who needs lemons.

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