I have a big expensive coffee-making machine. I didn’t buy it – my mother brought it for me as a wedding present from Sweden, where the national pastime is having a sense of humour that no-one understands (I mean how funny can a joke about austere-yet-functional interior design actually be?), eating bags and bags of really cheep sweets shaped like earrings and trying to figure out if there’s a way to fit even more brushed steel and retro dials that don’t really do anything onto a coffee machine.
For the last two years it’s mainly just sat on my kitchen counter where it was used as a thing to hold down hysterical letters from Woolworths asking if I want a Special Credit Card (in exchange for which they won’t come to my house and murder me with hammers). My excuse for not using it was that I didn’t have a two-prong adaptor or an extension chord long enough to actually plug it in, obviously the idea of going and buying one was far too great a mental leap. Until of course I just moved it across the room, closer to the two-prong plug in the wall that was kindly provided by the people who built my flat in the early 60s. Thus far I’ve mostly just been making mediocre cappuccinos with the wrong kind of milk (which seems to be what happens no matter how big or expensive or Swedish your home coffee maker might be), until this morning – when a combination of an apocalyptically bad meeting the previous day and massive consumption of red wine as a result of that bad meeting combined in a chaotic mess of ‘please could everything stop hurting me’.
I suddenly really needed some iced coffee, and raiding my cupboards and a bit of improv turned out this little gem of a recipe which works like a morning-rescuing charm.
Ingredients (for 2)
2 shots of Espresso
8 ice cubes
1 tbsp Condensed Milk
What to do
While the espresso is gurgling and dripping out the machine, into a blender or plastic jug – empty the 8 blocks of ice and the tablespoon of condensed milk. When the espresso is done, add it to the ice and milk, and then blend until it’s smooth and creamy.
Pour it into a glass.
Yeah, not exactly a jus of reduced Lark’s beaks in a creme Rapponaiseblondepriment, but still…
Needless to say I’m not the hugest fan of the ridiculous Freezofrappelattesmoothaccino trend that seems to be the sole fault of Lindsay Lohan (I seriously hope there was a vast wad of back-end endorsement cash attached to the fact that every. single. photograph. she was ever in for a while had her clutching some sort of ice-blended coffee drink – wtf?), but as a summer morning-beverage, this is definitely a winner.